Neon Genesis Evangelion. Release year: 1995. Episode 1 of Season 1. Angel Attack. In the year 2015, an Angel returns to attack Tokyo-3. Misato Katsuragi transports Shinji to the NERV base overseen by his.

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Congratulations!So how’s everyone feeling? Perhaps even, dare I say, satisfied? Well whatever your thoughts and feelings I can probably relate to them because I too felt them some 10 years ago.I’ll state right up front that the End of Evangelion is my preferred ending to the series by several orders of magnitude, that is of course assuming the two are incompatible which they might not be. This does not however mean that I hate 25/6. No, in fact I love them, greatly so. At first I was confused.

I mean it’s overwhelming. We’ve left the physical world behind and float through the nowhere that is instrumentality. It’s frustrating as well.

It seemed the show was building up to some cataclysmic finale and yet we get something that more resembles a group therapy session. Where’s my epic confrontation with explosions and Eva’s ripping shit apart? I mean you can see it in 25. There are sketches of scenes that do appear in EoE, there are little notes telling us that epic things are happening in the “real” world but due primarily I suspect to budget concerns, i.e. Running out of cash, we got therapy.The more however I have thought on it over the years the less it has bothered me, not that it did hugely in the first place.

This is because although NGE had its epic narrative, its angel attacks, its grand conspiracies, its assimilation plot and a huge amount of simply spectacular action it was always first and foremost about the characters. These sad, hurt and lonely people were always the focus and the end is fittingly all about them.So as I said group therapy.

Instrumentality, a process where the barriers between humans are annihilated, where we all become one has been initiated. It’s a strange world, unsurprising I suppose. I found it equal parts fascinating and creepy. The idea that you exist only as a conscious mind in a formless void is unnerving. Shinji can feel himself drifting apart, feel the edges of his being slipping away and that’s some serious weirdness.

In this instrumentality of humanity Shinji’s, Rei’s, Asuka’s, Misato’s fears and self-loathing are paraded for everyone to see. It’s strange, it’s trippy and it’s honest. There’s nowhere else for them to run, no one to hide behind, no routine to sink into. Humanity is one, all is laid bare. And so we see these characters laid out, Asuka doesn’t want to be worthless, she wants others to value her, and she wants others to love her. She hates herself just the same a Shinji does. Rei who always wished to die fears it now as the time approaches.

She does not wish to cease being the being that she has become. Misato hates herself, loathes herself, throws herself into sexual relations as a validation of her being but it only grows her self-hatred. Shinji too hates himself; he fears failure, fears being alone but fears rejection more. He’d rather slip into a world of nonexistence if it meant not being hurt.It’s raw, it’s direct and so very human.

Shinji, Asuka, Misato, Rei are broken down, made to cry, made to confront themselves, made to confront the lies they have constructed, the destructive cycles they have trapped themselves in. In the end it’s clear all they wanted was to be loved but their fear of pain caused them to run. But in the end through all the hurt and pain, through all the suffering there is hope. We focus on Shinji, though it is presumed that the others are going through much the same thing, who went so far as to retreat completely from everyone into a place only he existed. Therein he is confronted with nothingness where he struggles to continue to exist for in the absence of others, of anything to see oneself through it is as if one does not exist at all. But limits are imposed so he can walk and feel more at ease and then an alternate reality shows a world where he is happy, where he has meaning beyond being a pilot, where his existence is not tied to Eva. Shinji realizes that it is possible to be happy, not guaranteed but still possible.

He learns that that he has projected his self-hatred into the looks of others. He realizes that he might potentially learn to love himself “But, I might be able to love myself.” He learns that it’s ok for him to be there/anywhere. He chooses to exist with others because total isolation is as good as nonexistence.

He chooses to take the chance because the possibility of finding happiness outweighs the pain inherent to every human interaction.In my mind it’s a beautiful ending. It gets to the heart of NGE which is the story of a boy who came to place he thought he might be able to find happiness. It’s been a tough road full of pain, fear, uncertainty, anger, sorrow, moments of triumph, moments of joy, moments of understanding and through terrible danger, trials and tribulations of almost inconceivable immensity this boy and those sad and lonely people we’ve come to pity and love, they who so desperately wanted to be loved but ran in fear to places where they could find no happiness, learn to love themselves and that’s so important because it’s all that much harder to give and receive love if you never learn to love yourself.And so everyone,At least until EoE. Episode 25/26 It literally changed my view of the world back when I first watched it at the age of.14 or 15.

The importance of perspective and how others have a different perception of your own self then you have.The philosphy of freedom and subjectivity and objectivity in combination with perception, the psychology of self-esteem, how we define reality and ourselves. Everything was just mindblowing.And this was the first time after countless re-watches, I noticed the parallels between Shinji and Gendo. How Gendo also wants to get happiness from someone else.

And he even acts similar to Shinji in that aspect. Like Gendo pushing Shinji away like Shinji pushed Misato away. Basically isolating themselves emotionally (hint: Walkman) with the exception of people they depend on.We never really see Gendos perspective, which makes him so hard to understand (remember the train scene, where Leliel accused Shinji of not even trying to understand Gendo). 'It literally changed my view of the world back when I first watched it at the age of.14 or 15.' I just finished 26 and I'm really overwhelmed. 's comment really helped me out.

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I definitely feel different, though. I identify with Shinji's depression on a scary level. The self-loathing of Misato.all of it. The part that especially got me was when Asuka was screaming 'I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!' Over and over. I've never hurt so much for anyone, let alone a fictional character.

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It feels like this show was written to carve away any and all excess from your brain so you can truly find what resonates with YOU. And it hurts. It'll take me a while to properly sort how this episode really affects me, but I'm okay with that. I just feel different.